I know this may be hard for some to believe, especially those who really know me, but it’s true. I am not Superwoman. I want to believe I can do it all (craft, homemake everything, garden, etc.) while keeping it all together, but alas I cannot. I grew up doing so many activities, that maybe I believed I could still do them well into adulthood. Needless to say, it is catching up to me.
Motherhood is more than I expected. Yes, I know you become a parent and life changes, I get that. BUT I didn’t know it would be this difficult to adjust, especially as I venture deeper into my crunchy world. I wish I could make everything I eat, lather on, and wear, but I can’t. I will give it my best shot to make our food with the best ingredients, because that’s important to me, but I know it won’t be 100% all the time. That’s not to say I can’t try, but I think the solution here is to prioritize.
I need to figure out what’s important and work from there. There is a HUGE chance I will have to say ‘no’ to some activity, position, or commitment that someone asks for my help on, and it will kill me. Can I get there? Honestly, I’m not sure. I was just telling Josh tonight that I don’t know how those full-time working mamas do it, let alone the single parents-God Bless ‘Em! I feel like being at home with Emma is a full-time job and then some, and yet the house should be sparkling clean because I am home. As you can guess, it is not.
The feeling I get staying at home, is that I work where I sleep. My hubby, while being overloaded, too, gets to leave his office and come home. That’s not to say he doesn’t bring work home, or stay up late working, because he often does. But at least he goes to a
nother closed space different environment. One where a little person runs up to you, hugs your leg while yelling ‘dadddddyyyy!!’ and makes your terrible day go away, even for a minute. (That same person has talked my ear off alllll day, spilled chicken broth on my new laptop, and screamed bloody murder for not getting what she wanted!) I love staying at home with Emma, and I’m not trying to complain, but since I’m with her all.the.time, it feels like she is an extension of me instead of another member of our household.
I can see why some mama’s put their kids in activities, or send them off to Mother’s Day Out, even for just a few hours of sanity. But then I start to feel guilty. I just can’t justify spending
my hubby’s our money so little bit can go off for half a day so I can fart around. How did mamas do it back then? Did they have the resources to ‘send their kid off,’ or did they have to buck up and git ‘er done?
I know I have overcommitted myself and for some reason just.can’t.stop. I’m sure there’s a zillion books out there talking about putting God and family first, but I can’t seem to swing this balancing act. Some days I feel a schedule would help, and it probably would, but I either don’t know where to start or am lazy (or both). I even think Emma could benefit from a schedule, but since I can’t get my shist together, I definitely can’t get her into a finite routine.
So what’s a mama to do? I honestly don’t know. I dream of moving to the country for a slower pace of life, but I know that won’t make a difference, especially if I can’t get it together now. My hubby and I have talked round and round about what we NEED to do, but in the end, do nada. What gives? How do you people out there do it or do you? I’m sure I’m not alone, but I desperately need insight, tips, a kick in the rear, and/or a drink.