I Am Not Superwoman

I know this may be hard for some to believe, especially those who really know me, but it’s true.  I am not Superwoman.  I want to believe I can do it all (craft, homemake everything, garden, etc.) while keeping it all together, but alas I cannot.  I grew up doing so many activities, that maybe I believed I could still do them well into adulthood.  Needless to say, it is catching up to me.

superwoman

Motherhood is more than I expected.  Yes, I know you become a parent and life changes, I get that.  BUT I didn’t know it would be this difficult to adjust, especially as I venture deeper into my crunchy world.  I wish I could make everything I eat, lather on, and wear, but I can’t.  I will give it my best shot to make our food with the best ingredients, because that’s important to me, but I know it won’t be 100% all the time.  That’s not to say I can’t try, but I think the solution here is to prioritize.

I need to figure out what’s important and work from there.  There is a HUGE chance I will have to say ‘no’ to some activity, position, or commitment that someone asks for my help on, and it will kill me.  Can I get there?  Honestly, I’m not sure.  I was just telling Josh tonight that I don’t know how those full-time working mamas do it, let alone the single parents-God Bless ‘Em!  I feel like being at home with Emma is a full-time job and then some, and yet the house should be sparkling clean because I am home.  As you can guess, it is not.

unclean house

The feeling I get staying at home, is that I work where I sleep.  My hubby, while being overloaded, too, gets to leave his office and come home.  That’s not to say he doesn’t bring work home, or stay up late working, because he often does.  But at least he goes to another closed space different environment.  One where a little person runs up to you, hugs your leg while yelling ‘dadddddyyyy!!’ and makes your terrible day go away, even for a minute.  (That same person has talked my ear off alllll day, spilled chicken broth on my new laptop, and screamed bloody murder for not getting what she wanted!)  I love staying at home with Emma, and I’m not trying to complain, but since I’m with her all.the.time, it feels like she is an extension of me instead of another member of our household.

proud papa

I can see why some mama’s put their kids in activities, or send them off to Mother’s Day Out, even for just a few hours of sanity.  But then I start to feel guilty.  I just can’t justify spending my hubby’s our money so little bit can go off for half a day so I can fart around.  How did mamas do it back then?  Did they have the resources to ‘send their kid off,’ or did they have to buck up and git ‘er done?

I know I have overcommitted myself and for some reason just.can’t.stop.  I’m sure there’s a zillion books out there talking about putting God and family first, but I can’t seem to swing this balancing act.  Some days I feel a schedule would help, and it probably would, but I either don’t know where to start or am lazy (or both).  I even think Emma could benefit from a schedule, but since I can’t get my shist together, I definitely can’t get her into a finite routine.

pondering the meaning of life

So what’s a mama to do?  I honestly don’t know.  I dream of moving to the country for a slower pace of life, but I know that won’t make a difference, especially if I can’t get it together now.  My hubby and I have talked round and round about what we NEED to do, but in the end, do nada.  What gives?  How do you people out there do it or do you?  I’m sure I’m not alone, but I desperately need insight, tips, a kick in the rear, and/or a drink.

Note: Photos from here and here.

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10 thoughts on “I Am Not Superwoman

  1. Perfect timing on this post! I’m just entering mommy hood and finding out real fast that this balancing act that I could do pre-baby is a.little.bit.difficult to continue. I think it will just be a continuous reassessment of what things/activities to keep or drop. You are doing a crunchy great job!

    • Thanks! That’s exactly it, you are constantly evolving/changing as new things or people come into your life. Don’t stress about it too much, somehow us mamas have been making it work for decades, while keeping a bit of sanity! Welcome to mamahood…it’s a pretty awesome gig ;)

  2. Thanks for posting Jess, I love reading your blog. When you figure out the balancing act, let me know. I understand how you feel with wanting to do it all. My day ends up being a chaotic bustle of work, kids, cleaning, laundry, sometimes the gym, and maybe a few minutes a day to actually spend with my husband. I am grateful God keeps me together, but fear it will all fall apart one of these days. One of my resolutions this year is to really be present in each moment and enjoy myself, my kids, my husband, friends, co-workers, etc. instead of always worrying about what needs to be done or what I should have gotten done that day. You are doing a wonderful job with your family. Hang in there!

    • Thanks mama ;) I’ll let you know when I do figure it out…if that day ever happens! You’re right though, that’s all we can do, give it our best shot and remember what’s important-ourselves and our family. At the end of the day that’s all we got! Keep doing what you’re doing Kel, I know your boys will appreciate you, if not now, then definitely later!
      xoxo,
      Jess

  3. Sometimes I think the same. I want my house cleaner (always so dusty, dang dogs), I need to go through things, I want to be more crafty, try new things in the kitchen, etc… However with my work, and my hubby works out of town for 1/2 the month, sports, practice, lessons, and that little thing called sleep it all becomes a as time allows basis. My husband complains I need to slow down, but when I try I get bored, it just isn’t who I am as a mother. The 2 most important things for my life are. 1. Mine and my husbands relationship is extremely important and a major teaching tool for our kids, I’ll do whatever it takes and never give up. 2. I am the most important role model to my daughters, if I don’t cherish them and who they are then they can’t learn how to treat themselves. Everything else is just a ride, so hold on. Just wait til Emma becomes a teenager in this day and age…craziness!

    Define what kind of mom you are and then make your own definition.

    • Wow! You sound a lot like me, I’m not good at sitting around doing ‘nothing’ (poor Emma) very often. My hubby and I do need to get better about putting our relationship first, because like you, I want Emma to see how it’s supposed to be. I think that puts on some added pressure, being their role model, but am grateful that I get to mold her from scratch! I can’t complain too much but do need to prioritize at some point in my life…hopefully sooner than later. Yippie, I can’t wait for the teenage years, heaven help me keep my sanity when that time comes!

      Thanks for sharing! It’s nice to see there are others out who struggle with the same issues :)

      P.S. sleep is overrated ;)

  4. Honestly, think about how motherhood used to be. It’d be nice to have our mom’s help, but many of us (myself included) just don’t have that.
    But back in the day, women had their mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins, mothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, aunts- and cousins-in law!!
    Women would gather together to help one another. Our society today is way more autonomous and sequestered.
    Plus we have things like Pinterest and Facebook to perpetually breed discontent, comparisons, and a sense of failure.
    It’s not that we are worse mothers. It’s just that times have changed for an unfortunate worse!
    My balancing act involves sucking it up and asking my poor, exhausted husband for help when he gets home from work. Because honestly, I can’t do it alone, and any mama knows I worked all day too.
    I’m immensely blessed by a man who doesn’t complain about it. But I think it’s fair to share the load and both go to bed tires rather than one go to bed tired and the other stay up all night and have to keep another human alive the next day! Lol!
    Basically, I still have imbalances in my own home. But I ask for help to keep it functioning, and can at least accomplish what I consider the basics (all things baby related taken care of, get a shower every couple of days, dishes, laundry, vacuum!!!) lol!!
    I find my most frustrating task is prioritizing time with God when the house is a wreck.
    Good luck trying to find and maintain the balance! To you AND me!!! ;)

    • It’s so true! It used to take a village to raise a baby and now it’s every mama for themselves (in most cases). I never thought about what FB & Pinterest did to moms, but that is a great point ;)
      Yeah, I ask my hubby, too, though I feel guilty after him having a full day’s work, but he’s part of the family, so he needs to help out.
      I have given in to a fabulously clean house all the time and will just do the best I can. It’s more important to be there for my daughter than have the house picked up all the time.
      Yes, good luck to us both as we find balance in this crazy world!

  5. I am not married and I don’t have children but I care for my 94 year old Grandma and I can relate to what you are saying. Yes eons ago I imagine the women in the community all helped each other out and supported each other. They shared chores and they took care of each other’s kids while other moms napped etc. I wish we could get rid of this desire to be and appear perfect. I’ve been thinking about it lately and I wonder if appearing perfect has some kind of survival value. Like not wanting to appear vulnerable. Either that or we have just bought into what the media portrays as having it together. Maybe through blogging we can bring back the communities. Take off masks and be vulnerable/messy/real. We really have to seize the moment b/c in reality we don’t know what tomorrow brings. Let’s give each other permission to do that.

    • I love that thought! We need to stop trying to appear that we have it all together and just be real with each other. I’m all for admitting I don’t have it together nor pretend to try to. Too many other things are important, like being involved in my child’s life and making sure she eats to the best of my ability. I do like that other moms helped each other out and let mamas nap every now and then….that would be nice while being pregnant :)

      Thanks for your insight!

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